Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Do I have something on my face?

So I've been working on this blog for some time trying to get all my thoughts together in regards to this matter. It is going to be a bit of a rant and I apologize ahead of time but it will serve as kind of, hopefully, an educational blog for people on the outside to get a better understanding/view what its like to be a cancer patient and strangers staring at you.

#1: I'll start of with this we're still the same people as we were before our diagnosis. I tend to get a lot of pity from people for my diagnosis when I tell them I have cancer and I'm sorry but please don't. Don't tell me you're sorry because it's not your fault I have this illness. I don't need you to feel bad for me either because as much as a cancer diagnosis sucks at the same time it brings a whole new meaning to "live your life" that only people who have cancer understand. Before cancer I had this whole plan of how I was going to live my life: graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, pursue my career, be married by the age of 25/26, have kids right after I'm married, etc., essentially what we all sort of dream/plan. And I look back and in a way it's very robotic, of course every now and then squeeze a vacation or 2 between each of those milestones but we tend to go into a routine of our everyday life not appreciating the little things. Now I have this profound appreciation for everyday that I live because as quickly we come into this world we quickly depart. Now every day that I live I want to live it to the fullest which I know I would not feel like this if it wasn't for the cancer. I have now rearranged my primary goals and their importance and the one that is at the top of the list before anything is traveling and getting to see the world.

#2: Stop staring! I have to say nowadays that is one of my biggest pet peeves. When I go out to stores where there tends to be a lot of people I wear my mask as a precaution to protect myself from other people's germs and for some reason because people see me wearing a mask they associate it with I have to have something that is contagious and they look at me funny and scared. Common sense would be if I had something contagious do you really think I'd be walking up and down this aisle where I can give it to other people? And I know some of you would say just ignore them and don't pay mind to them which I do 75% of the time but the other 25% of the time means I've noticed you staring and I've caught you staring now please stop. The ones that tend to be the worst are of course kids and I know they don't understand but this is also where parents should educate and teach their kids that staring at strangers is not nice. At first I'll ignore them I'll let them have their moments of staring and looking at me for maybe the first 5 minutes but once it passes that and all they're doing is staring at me nonstop then I'm going to call you out and acknowledge you and I do so by waving at them and saying hello with a smile on my face and of course that always quickly makes them stop lol and it embarrasses them a bit. Also what always catches people's eye is my bald head which I embrace it by showing it off loud and proud (also Lola, my wig, tends to make my head sweaty and itchy too lol). People act like they have never seen a bald person and at that a girl!

I have to say I have encountered situations with people that in my head I'm asking myself "What is wrong with you?". I've had a woman in the middle of a Wal-Mart aisle blatantly ask me why I'm wearing a mask. The sarcastic Jennifer wanted to come out and say I have Ebola, at that time that was the craze and it has now sort of subsided but I nicely answered I wear it to protect myself because I have cancer. And for any cancer patients/survivors out there reading this knows this always opens the can of worms that comes with "I had cancer... Someone I know has cancer... My mother died from cancer... etc." and they start telling me their whole story. Of course I don't mind and it's nice to share stories and empower each other to keep surviving but I feel like sometimes there are other ways to go about asking why I look the way I do. I've heard kids as their walking by me and staring at me ask their mom "Why does she look like that?" and then we've already have a quite a distance walking away from each other that I never get to hear the explanation that parents give.

I remember when I went back to school after I got clearance from my oncologists I was in the library studying and doing homework as I waited for my next class to start a guy came up to me out of nowhere to the table I was studying at and asked "Why is your hair cut that way? Is it for your job or by choice?". At that time my hair was coming in and it was in the form of a pixie cut. And I won't repeat myself again because it continues with telling my story and diagnosis and so on. After I tell them my story its always funny that it proceeds with "Are you OK now? Like are you good now? You're not going to die right?". But it goes to show the ignorance of the people in our day and age. You would think that we have come so far compared to the past times but in a way we're still the same or repeating those bad habits.

I have to give props to my lovely pain in the butt that I call my hubby. I know it's the hardest for him because he always catches people's reaction before I ever do and I have to talk him into not giving the people the light of day because they just don't get it, they don't understand not to judge a book by its cover. We have now a plan to come up with a T-Shirt where in the front it will say "Stop staring! This mask is for my protection from your germs" and on the back it will say with an arrow "Or you'll have to deal with him" just some light humor when going out.

As I draw this to a close because I can go on and on about my stories and of course I'm sure there are people with maybe worse encounters and mine may look like nothing but I hope people can take from this is that I'm just like you. I may look different because of my hair and my battle wounds I have to show but don't look at me funny, a nice smile and acknowledgement would be appreciated. One JC Penney associate once asked me politely because I had catched her glimpsing at me a few times so I figured she had an inkling that I was a cancer survivor "If you don't mind me asking why is your hair so short?" And I told her why and she proceeded with a compliment that she liked the look and I wear it very well. I told my boyfriend that's how its done, not creepishly staring at someone trying to figure out why they look the way they do but just politely ask or start it off with a compliment.

Once thank you again for taking time out of your day to read this and I hope you enjoy it and gives you a couple of chuckles. :)

-Jennifer

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